autistic and unsafe
“If I had a gun I’d shoot you”
-some guy at the local gas station
She knocked on the window and asked, “Did you see what your son did? He snatched that man’s hat off his head!”.
I snapped out of my daydream, as the gravity of my son’s actions quickly sunk in. I forgot all about the long day and constant fussing with my autistic son as I thought about how that scenario could have ended. Up until now, my son had managed to keep himself right outside of harm’s way with his antics, but deep down I knew the day would come when he would cross the line. My son… my teenage son…my black son…was blissfully unaware of how dangerous his playful gesture was in this social climate. He laughed uncontrollably, ignoring me as I tried desperately to explain that other people have been unalived for less.
I opened my car door and apologized to the man, an overweight white man with a trucker cap on his head and a dirty t-shirt, and watched him sneer as he hurried into his older model sedan and drove off.
The next day, my neighbor told me that the man had threatened my son before he left. “If I had a gun I’d shoot you”, he yelled in a fit of rage.
I was livid. Why didn’t my neighbor tell me at that moment that this grown man had threatened my 14-year-old with a gun? Why was she trying harder to understand the actions of some man than that of my child? I was pissed off with myself for apologizing to that man. He didn’t deserve it- once you start threatening lives for small infractions all apologies are out the window. I was glad the guy wasn’t around when I found out- I probably wouldn’t be writing this if he had been.
Autistic teens, much like their neurotypical counterparts, undergo a period in their lives that I like to call growing pains. They become driven by hormonal changes, which reveal themselves in many ways. My son, for example, had become dysregulated and aggressive quite often. This is common with autistic individuals- especially those with disorders in communication. The frustration of not being heard can be too much to handle and can lead to meltdowns and more. The lack of impulse control can sometimes lead to dangerous confrontations.
Being black and autistic in Frederick MD was a different type of monster. Frederick, an area in Western Maryland that sits snugly between the borders of Pennsylvania and West Virginia, is known for its conservative atmosphere and lack of racial progress. Being black in Frederick is enough- being black and autistic in Frederick is a whole new can of worms. Lack of patience and understanding is the norm; even though Frederick has a large prevalence of individuals with special needs, some residents appear close-minded when they see a large black teen gleefully laughing at himself in the grocery store or having a meltdown in public.
On the flip side, areas like Frederick are sometimes chock full of resources, and despite my ramblings, I realize that my son has managed to find himself. He’s made friends with most of our neighbors and he enjoys our walks near Carroll Creek. He found the strength to stand up for himself and I’m very proud of him. He is still growing, physically and mentally. Next year he will be attending a new school in another part of Maryland.
I’m looking forward to seeing how his new environment benefits him.
